Monday, June 21, 2010

Please Stop Talking During My Movie

*spoiler alert* The concealed text reveals the plot to the movie, Shutter Island to avoid any potential spoilage for those who have yet to see it, thus sparing you from what some asshole did to me. Highlight after "I also" to see. If you're using Firefox, then you'll probably see it anyway, so you may need to just skip over that part, or wipe your memory later Men In Black Style *spoiler alert*

I feel very...beleaguered. So much so, that I felt it necessary to use the word "beleaguered" rather than just simply stating "annoyed." Imagine trying to watch a movie with someone who almost never lets the plot play its way out to the end, constantly interjecting their own theories throughout the film. Yes, I also realized at some point that Leo Dicaprio was actually a patient on Shutter Island all along, and not a detective. That doesn't mean I wanted you to tell me that. It's like he does it just to make himself feel smarter, one "I told you so" at a time. Congrats, you have the dubious skill of ruining plots to screenplays, your father must be very proud of you. To further his quest for self validation, he craftly applies dreadful coatings to all layers of life, and then prides himself on proper diagnosis, regardless of the negative outcome. Obviously, he should have been a lawyer, but I digress...

Half of the time he doesn't even stick around long enough to confirm the ending. Usually diverting his attention to an email on his phone, or drowning out the dialog with his own cross chatter. What he fails to realize, is that swiftly arriving to a conclusion to a plot while neglecting the subtlety of the sights, the sounds, and the players on screen only fuel cynicism, and avoid the message. True knowledge cannot always be acquired by simply "knowing" it. Unlike a gig at McDonald's, the experience IS necessary.

BTW: The asshole I'm referring to, is me. The movie, is life, and I LOVE those steak, egg and cheese bagels from McDonald's. By the time you read this, I probably will have consumed 2 of them-assuming you're reading this on the morning of the 21st before Breakfast Armageddon, aka 10:30am. If not, just multiply 2 for every 2 days after today to maintain consistency. #shoutout to Mickey D's.