An Email to Sonje

Ya know, the first time you visited me from NY, you stayed with me overnight. It

was great. Later on, you would come, and stay with me at my moms crib.

Eventually you moved in with your Grandad, and I was over there often

as well. I grinded hard as hell to have enough money just so I could travel to

see you, and make sure I could take you out and show you a good time.

I stayed with you at a den at your friends house, we rented a basement together, and then, an apartment. We've been consumed by eachother for so long...

....I made an analogy about you being an extra limb tahat weighs me

down. Fast forward about week, I'm able to describe you more

accurately. Your more like a kidney-because much like a kidney, the

effects of only having one are not necessarily seen in the short term.

If you're suprised at the person I've been behaving like as of late,

then that makes 2 of us. However, you've been very intrinsic to my

life for quite some time, and not even I could anticipate what its

like to not have you around.

Anyway, that was just something I wanted to say. I emailed because it

allowed me to produce my thoughts fluidly and coherently without

getting too emotional. Short story before I finish tho...

...I was with Quinton one day this summer, I had my red bandana in my

right pocket, anxious to tell people about the story of the Bloods who

backed down the looters in Ferguson. I ran into a young lady at the

DTLR, she commented about it. I gladly told her my story.

She gave me the "that sounds great, but I'm either too uninteresed or

too stupid to acknowledge." face. She hardly even knew what was going

on in Ferguson. Basically, she was just flirting. I came home and was

so happy that the girl I laid next to understood the gravity of such

an occurance. You being an "intrinsic" part of my life was good and

bad. Good because I liked being around you (I know,it wasn't like that

ALL of the time) but it was also bad, because I took it for granted.

The jerk store called, and they're running out of you

Click here to jump straight to start of the actual commercial

Remember this awesome guy? He was in an awful car accident, bought a Bow Flex and lost all the weight he gained from being immobile for 2 years. He got in such great shape that he "gave all his fat clothes to his fat friends".What kind of jerkhole shit is that to say?? Pride of personal achievment and humility don't have to be mutually exclusive. Its as if the more you love yourself, the less you love everyone else.Think back to pretty much every teen movie ever made where there's an uncool kid who becomes cool, then curves all of his friends who loved him/her when they were lame.

I have this theory I've been cultivating for a couple of decades. It's pretty simple, really. Its a theory that states that an overwhelmig majority of our human race falls into one of two jerk categories:You basically are one, or waiting to become one. You have your every day garden variety who embraced their jerk role from birth, OR, you have our aformentioned Bow Flex friend who's jerk gene laid dormant until he became more confident about himself. THAT guy, is one the worst because he hid his jerkness behind tradegy,which makes it difficult for you to point out the fact that's he's being a jerk without looking like one yourself.

The origin of my theory began in elementary school. I was young, and I convinced my mother to let me bring my Transformers to school in hopes to one up the competition on show and tell day. The only damper of the day, was the unfortunate news that one of my classmates lost his home, and all of his things in a fire. The teacher put emphasis on the class to be a little extra nice to the kid on that day. Didn't seem like too unreasonable of a request considering the circumstances. Anyway, post show and tell we all get some play time with our toys, and the fire kid was being a little obnoxious. This nigga snatched my Transformer without asking, and was being far too aggressive transforming my Ultra Magnus into truck form. I forceably took my shit back from him, just like my father would have wanted me to. He responded... by snitching on me. He tells the teacher what had happened, (obviously)omitting his role in the mini altercation. She decided without hearing anything I had to say that it would be fair if not only he got play with my Transformer, but that he also got to get a free punch courtesy of my arm, with no retaliation..This moment was one of several that made me the jerk I am today.

Lets wrap this up with some facts and observations about this theory of mine: I'm the type of jerk of who often has an unyielding stance on my own opinions. This was created by situations where I was overruled by elders who just assumed their age made them right by default, or angry mobs of 2nd graders like in Ultra Magnus-gate. Situations where I was asked, and in some cases demanded to reconsider my stance, only to find out later, that I shouldn't have. I'm aware that I sometimes go too far with this, and its something I'm working on, ergo: don't trip, he aint through with me yet. The title was obviously inspired by George Costanza, which may not be so obvious if you're not familiar with Seinfeld. Also, I used the word "jerk" 10 times in this post, not including the title. Hope I wasn't too redundant.