My Christmas Story

Although my story isn't as long, or nearly as entertaining as Jean Shepherd's movie adaptation of his 1983 novel, "A Christmas Story" it still provided me a very important lesson in gratitude and humility - I think. Long ago, the object of my Christmas affection, was the ever popular remote control car. I woke up on the 25th and made a b-line to my grandmother's living room where the tree was located. I systematically eliminated all boxes that didn't resemble the box of a remote control car, as did my cousin of the same age. After a brief period of trial and error, I finally found it, just like I knew I would.

My cousin found his shortly afterwards. We ripped open the boxes with our respective names on them to reveal a nice red remote control Corvette for me, and a Porshe of the same color for him. There was one problem though - my shit was literally REMOTE CONTROLLED. *pause for a sec* Ok, audience, let me explain to you what was wrong with this. Yes, I refer to it as REMOTE control just for the sake of story, however, what I really had my heart set on was a RADIO controlled car. The difference? Simple. Radio is wireless, remote is not. My cousin opens his, and whatda know, his shit is RADIO controlled?!!?! The smug look on this nigga face almost got him strangled with my remote controlled car wire. Whats worst, is that he didn't even want a RC car originally, I talked him into it, this was MY idea. How is it that I get stuck with this shit?

Someone had some explaining to do. I know Santa Clause didn't bring me this shit, he wouldn't do me like that. It was my grandma. Ladies and gentleman, I love my nana to death, did then, still do, but WTF? I threw a fit, similar to Fred Sanford threatening to return to Elizabeth. Here my cousin is, chilling from the couch eating cookies sending his car underneath tables and shit, while I'm chasing my damn car around the house like a sucker. My shit didn't even have left and right controls, I had to use reverse to turn my car. Anyway, after getting a healthy lecture from my mother, father, aunt, uncle, other uncle, and other aunt I decided to calm down, and just be "appreciative" of what I got. After all, some kids didn't get anything for Christmas at all....

..You know what...fuck that. I need closure. I'm gonna call my grandma up and ask her what her motivation behind that was. How hard was it to grab 2 boxes instead of one and one of something else? Did she secretly resent the relationship between my mom and dad and decided to take it out on me? I still feel some kinda way about this. I guess the real lesson learned, is that you often WON'T get the things that you want in life, and some other jerkoff who is less deserving than you will.